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Witty Quotes – You are probably already familiar with the word “witty”. It is something smart and unusual from the others.
There are many things that we can laugh at, can motivate, can provide solutions and even with the power of words that can change perceptions and behavior in everyday words. It’s really extraordinary right?
From the words that we are discussing today, namely quotes, contain a piece of motivational words that can entertain, inspire, and teach.
Quotes do not only contain motivation, many quotes tell the background about ideas and anxiety, creativity and funny, also sad stories that implied in a quote.
For that, now we will laugh, smile, motivate ourselves in 150 witty quotes that give meaningful words.
Read also: 120 Patience Quotes to Create New Motivation
Witty Quotes That Have Meaningful Fragments of Words
1. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan
2. “Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.” – William Cowper
3. “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.” – Anais Nin
4. “Never try to have the last word. You might get it.” – Robert Heinlein
5. “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” – Douglas Adams
6. “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” – George Bernard Shaw
7. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
8. “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” – Oliver Hardy
9. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
10. “It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” – George Washington
11. “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” – Abraham Maslow
12. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Steven Wright
13. “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” – Woodrow Wilson
14. “She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
15. “There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde
16. “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.” – Unknown
17. “If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?” – John Cleese
18. “Never eat more than you can lift.” – Miss Piggy
19. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.” – Yogi Berra
20. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry
21. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
22. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway
23. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain
24. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” – Steve Martin, in the film Sgt. Bilko.
25. “A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.” – William Lowe Bryan
26. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” – Fran Lebowitz
27. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut
28. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
29. “You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” – Billy Arthur
30. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – George Burns
31. “You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.” – Anonymous
32. “A gossip is a person who creates the smoke in which other people assume there’s fire.” – Dan Bennett
33. “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” – Oscar Wilde
34. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton
35. “We use 10% of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60%.” – Ellen DeGeneres
36. “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” – Billy Connolly
37. “When it doubt, look intelligent.” – Garrison Keillor
38. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein
39. “Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin
40. “User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’” – Dave Barry
41. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers
42. “She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.” – Jean Webster
43. “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln
44. “By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.” – Don Herold
45. “There but for the grace of God, goes God.” – Anonymous
46. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – Henry Clapp
47. “The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.” – Lucille S. Harper
48. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
49. “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!” – Anonymous
50. “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” – George Will
51. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell
52. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Dominic Chianese
53. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Og Mandino
54. “The Best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – Robert Frost
55. “Carrie Fisher quote “Instant gratification takes too long.” – Abraham Lincoln
56. “Instant gratification takes too long.” – Carrie Fisher
57. “It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.” – Unknown
58. “If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” – Helen Walton
59. “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.” – Amit Kalantri
60. “Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” – Mark Twain
61. “Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.” – Robert J. Sawyer
62. “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” – George Bernard Shaw
63. “Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.” – Bertrand Russell
64. “I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.” – Lord Byron
65. “George Carlin quote “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – Charles de Gaulle
66. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin
67. “We hope you enjoyed this biting collection of witty quotes and gained some humor and perspective from them.” – Conclusion
68. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
69. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James
70. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino
71. “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
72. “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
73. “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” – Aldo Cammarota
74. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
75. “Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” – Jay Trachman
76. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
77. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” – Rod Stewart
78. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
79. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith
80. “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig
81. “A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire
82. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
83. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck
84. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
85. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell
86. “Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe
87. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman
88. “A technicality I’m prepared to hide wildly behind.” – Jim Butcher
89. “I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.” – Charles de Gaulle
90. “It is safer to beg than to take, but it is finer to take than to beg.” – Oscar Wilde
91. “Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.” – Philip José Farmer
92. “My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.” – Lisa Kleypas
93. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” – Judith Martin
94. “Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.” – Unknown
95. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” – Paula Poundstone
96. “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” – Dave Barry
97. “Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.” – Dennis Miller
98. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield
99. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” – Reese Witherspoon
100. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
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101. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
102. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” – Unknown
103. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” – Unknown
104. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” – Unknown
105. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell
106. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” – Unknown
107. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
108. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” – Unknown
109. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” – Unknown
110. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” – Unknown
111. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
112. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
113. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
114. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
115. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh
117. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
118. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
119. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” – Unknown
120. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
121. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
122. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
123. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” – Cassandra Duffy
124. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Eddison
125. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown
126. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
127. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch
128. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
129. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
130. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
131. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
132. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – Unknown
133. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
134. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
135. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
136. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
137. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
138. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
139. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
140. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” – Unknown
141. “Be happy it drives people crazy.” – Unknown
142. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand.
143. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
144. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” – Michael Scott
145. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley
146. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
147. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
148. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
149. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach
150. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones
Those 150 witty quotes that relate to everyone in interpreting your own life step by step.