It is hard to have low-self esteem. Especially, when you are a student because this is the best time to make new friends, build useful connections, and work on your self-development.
Luckily, this can be changed. We will tell you how to form an adequate and healthy attitude towards yourself. It might take some time and effort, however, it is definitely worth it.
So, if you feel like you are ready to start changing your life, then it is high time to relax, make yourself a cup of coffee, take a pen and notebook, and you can even leave your writing assignments to the write my research paper service, so you have perfect conditions to work on making your life better! Let’s begin.
What causes low self-esteem
People who have low self-esteem are characterized by critical beliefs about themselves. This comes from negative life experiences of neglect, insults, inhibitions, and punishments.
Because of this, there are thoughts of defectiveness (“there is something wrong with me”), helplessness (“I can’t cope”), or lack of love (“no one needs me”).
Relationships in the family may also aggravate the situation with the formation of adequate self-esteem. This happens if basic needs such as love and acceptance were not met as a child.
For example, if a woman has not awakened the maternal instinct or if children have not seen their father since birth.
Emotional deprivation (being deprived of the opportunity to meet basic needs) can also occur when the family has not expressed warm feelings in the form of hugs, kisses, etc.
Low self-esteem can also be suffered by those who had moral support from relatives, but it was not enough to rehabilitate after aggressive and rather long-lasting bullying (usually encountered at school age).
It is not uncommon for people who come back to their memories of bullying to say that they were shackled by fear and helplessness. Chronic stress can also leave a mark on the formation of self-image.
A person with low self-esteem constantly seeks confirmation that he or she is bad.
Do not forget that the formation of self-esteem may be due to psycho-physical features. Each of us was born with a particular type of nervous system – temperament and character.
Some people are naturally more vulnerable and shy, while others can stand up to bullies without outside support.
Moreover, the same situation may be perceived by us in very different ways. And “imprisoned” on the negative person by inertia will seem pessimistic about any events in his life. Negative attitudes can even cloud memories.
In the past, present, and future, a person, relying on a distorted reality, will look for confirmation of his inferiority.
What are the dangers of having bad thoughts about yourself?
Often a person with low self-esteem can rush from extreme to extreme. For example, if this person lacks love, they will either avoid communication with members of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected or get acquainted with all in a row and take the next broken heart as a trophy.
No matter how a person looks outwardly – withdrawn and silent or confident and defiant, inside it may hide all the same negative attitudes toward themselves.
Working on self-esteem, do not strive for it to instantly fly up. If you force yourself to consider yourself “king of the world,” very soon you can “crash” into harsh reality and cause even more damage – to provoke a depressive disorder.
The main feature of self-esteem – it’s unstable.
So do not make unrealistic demands on yourself in advance, your main assistant is time.
5 steps to boost your self-esteem
Stop engaging in self-blame
The emotional mode of “punishing parenting,” makes us feel guilty as if we owe something to someone, which psychotherapists recognize as unhealthy.
A person berates themselves for minor transgressions for which they would never reproach anyone. But what they need at this point is not self-blame, but help.
This mode, on the contrary, “defuses” the already low self-esteem: “Is that all I did?”, “Others can do it?”, “I could have achieved a better result”.
And the result of his work is undeservedly perceived as nonsense, and a positive response from the outside seems to be a duty compliment.
But unreasonable self-criticism can be controlled without resorting to a psychologist. Observe your “criticizing parent” for at least a week, and you will surely notice its excessive presence – even in those moments when scolding oneself should not have been.
From the task of “judging and punishing yourself,” switch to “making things right and improving the outcome.
Concentrate not on the error, but on which of your strengths can be activated to solve the problem. Do yourself a favor: show support, not anger and frustration.
Stand up for your interests
Quite often, under the pressure of internal anxiety and helplessness, we have to agree to do something we do not want to.
Naturally, it is not without another reading of the moral: “Why did I agree? I could have refused! Why didn’t I pull myself together?”.
Assertive behavior (asserting your rights without violating someone else’s personal space) is directly related to the formation of adequate self-esteem. It includes:
- an open and sincere expression of positivity;
- open and, importantly, adequate expression of negative emotions;
- the ability to defend yourself;
- the ability to say “no”.
Also, according to the researchers from the best writing services, the concept of assertiveness is associated with such things as the ability to make suggestions and requests, but at the same time to defend your point of view with dignity and remain self-sufficient.
Assertive behavior should be practiced in a non-bullying way-not in the spirit of “Get it together now, wimp!” but in a compromising way-“Yes, I’m anxious, but I have to try to make at least a small step.” Even if the attempt fails, still praise yourself, because somehow you tried. It will work out next time!
Self-efficacy gives us an awareness of how strong we are to cope with this or that situation. If we perceive the world as something inexplicable and cruel, and there is nothing we can do about it, then our potential, accordingly, can be equated to zero.
An example of this would be independent travel. Probably every person who goes to an unfamiliar country for the first time is at least anxious.
But then you realize that the new world is quite all right, and figuring out transportation and lodging is not that difficult.
If you take the position beforehand that everything will work out, it gives inner confidence.
Don’t devalue your accomplishments
Every night do a little analysis of your day. As if a favorite child, tell yourself a few nice words for this or that good deed. Even if it’s not about a specific success, but overcoming a difficult situation.
The main thing is that such self-support and praise did not pass into the category of the unwarranted dithyramb.
Build goals that correspond to personal values
Purpose and value are not the same things. Buying an apartment is a goal. What’s the value in that?
Creating your own home. A goal, once achieved, disappears, while a value is something more global and abstract, which can become the meaning of life. Once you have defined your values, align your life in that direction.
Sometimes values conflict with each other. Therefore, it is important to find a compromise.
For example, to dream of visiting all the countries of the world and having a large family that does not contradict each other, you need to learn to travel as a large family. The main thing is not to be afraid to be flexible.
Do not set the bar high at once, complicate things gradually. Overcoming one goal after another, you will “grow” not only in the eyes of the environment but also in your own.